Sehnsucht

The Sehnsucht ebbs and flows in my life. It is flowing more than ebbing right now,

A whirlpool of stars in outerspace, with a bright planet or star in the center.

Photo courtesy of NASA.

and I feel it’s in a bit of a whirlpool with no exit. It’s rather unsatisfying. Sehnsucht is a German word with no English equivalent that denotes a deep, passionate longing for an alternative that isn’t present. The yearning can be so deep and pervasive that it resembles a disease. My best friend and I had a long candid discussion a few weeks ago in which we both revealed that we suffer from this condition. Or rather, I described the feeling, and she quickly gave me the word. She feels it too, perhaps even more strongly.
The odd part is that we aren’t sure what our continuous yearning is for. It remains very strong, yet unnamed. We get a reprieve when we take on a creative project and give it our full attention. We have such a creative drive that we spend late hours on projects that may never see the light of day, but which please us. This urge to create is almost compulsive at times. If we don’t have time to go so deeply, we’ll write something short like a poem or a blog post, which serves like a hit for an addict, only healthier.
This drive takes on a spiritual quality, at times. There are many names for one being:

A tall pine against a starry night.

My friend and I feel like this tree, reaching for the stars, knowing we will never get there, but reaching nonetheless.

the Creator, God, Goddess, All-That-Is, Source, etc. They all speak of the maker of us, our planet, and more. I believe that we are no closer to God than when we create. Even on a small scale, we can be a creator. At those times, we bring in our quantum self – the part that can’t fit in our body, because it is so big, so intense, and so strong. Perhaps what we actually long for is this feeling of being more than our puny human bodies, reuniting with the rest of who we really are.
How truly fortunate I am, to have a friend who understands me so completely.