Fear Transformed into Action

I’m a studier, ruminator, reader, thinker, analyst, ponderer. I think about things. A lot. I’ve noticed that during the past few years, I’ve been far more comfortable learning more about a subject than I am comfortable actually acting upon what I’ve learned. I tell myself that I’m not ready, and I make that statement right. I wasn’t ready. My feet were stuck in mud, and my gear in neutral. So I read, studied, learned, and pondered. My “action” often was meditation, which felt like progress, but didn’t really look like action. But it was, after all, what I needed. My thoughts changed their tenor. A lot. My thoughts have had a sea change in the past few years.

This summer, I took a few classes, stretching my wings, jiggling the gear shift a little. Then, I did something that I didn’t want to do with what I learned – I used it, ready or not. And it felt good. I put it to work. My activity wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough to show me I could do it.

All of a sudden, that’s all I want to do. I want to do everything. I want to take everything I’ve studied and use it to DO something. Everything seems to be coming together, even the meditation piece. After all, without the kind of centering, focusing, and renewal of my spirit, who’s to say that my action would have been appropriate?

Who would have guessed? I’m not afraid to do anything anymore. I’m not afraid of doing it wrong, doing too much, doing too little, or doing it in the wrong direction. Whew! After years of being a slug, I’m ready to go. Who would’ve guessed? I don’t know who lit a fire under my tail feathers, but I’m ready to fly.