I apologize

Wonderful that you are reading about how to apologize! It is a social grace that everyone should know, but as you point out, often we don’t. I think the first and most important thing about an apology is that it is a sincere change of heart.

I can explain a little bit about the West Texas thing. My generation growing up in West Texas was raised on the “Say what you mean, and mean what you say.” I am sure I heard that just about every day when I was growing up. Now, if you say what you mean and mean what you say, you are not likly to apologize for much. My experience in East Texas is that people say what they think you want to hear. Bad policy. It yields a lot of lying and disappointment when you say things you don’t mean. It may be polite, but it isn’t honest. West Texans, at least when I grew up there, were slow to accept new people; they had to scope them out a while first. Once you were scoped out and was approved of, you had a friend for life. That being a friend you could depend on in a pinch, fair weather and bad. We listened more than we talked. When we spoke up, we said what was on our mind. However, that could be different in different communities dependent on the nature of their economic base. I guess, my experience refers more to the ranching community. The oil towns were probably a little different, at least a more mixed social behavior.

The thing about apologies is that the need for it is most often subjective. The person who “owes” the apology may not be the one who feels it is needed. An apology requires at very least, a change of perspective if not a change of heart. An act may be an offense to one person, a real fact to another. Here comes the need for tact. Tact in truth is as important as the apology skill, perhaps more, because it may reduce the need for apologies.

I hope your readers post some interesting comments.

Mom

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