Coping

Believing a Lie About Yourself

icicles

Do you know someone who can be cold as ice?

Criticism is a way of life in some offices and households. Bosses don’t want you to get too big for your britches, so they feel they have to cut you down a notch. Family members want to let you know that they aren’t happy with you – what you’re doing scares them. Your special person or significant other criticizes you for what you did or didn’t do. Sometimes it seems like we hear it from every direction. Is it all legitimate?

icicleSome of it probably is. We’re not perfect; we know that better than anyone else. But is all the disapproval a call to action? Maybe not. Sometimes, it’s criticism is more of a reflection of the speaker’s different point of view than it is that we are inappropriate. The most hurtful things can needle us and make us just feel sad and hate ourselves. When the criticism is justified, I think a lot of us think of ways to do better, if we can. But some judgments just make us feel dead and yukky inside. I’m sure there’s a technical term for it, but I think you know what I mean.

abandoned shack; log cabin

We feel cold and empty inside when we believe lies about ourselves, because our souls know it isn’t true.

That feeling is the disappointment our soul feels when we believe that we deserved the judgment another made about us that isn’t true. Whether you argue back or you keep your silence, in your heart, you owe it to yourself to parse out your truth from someone else’s fiction. When you are talking to yourself, step away from the fiction.

apple bud

We are like tender buds that will blossom in the spring, provided that we aren’t frozen out by frost.

Don’t add to your trauma by accepting another’s disapproval and blame when your actions were right for you. Turn away and take care of yourself. Sometimes our choices could have been better, but what if they aren’t? Making a poor choice isn’t a crime; it’s a learning opportunity. Allow yourself to learn; don’t accept that you’re a “bad” person unless you know in your heart you did what you consider to be wrong. When people offer you pain because it makes them feel better, with no constructive reason for you, just say “no.” You don’t have to accept what they say is true.

mountain snow

It feels cold and stark now, but it won’t be that way forever.

Sad friend that I talked to today, love yourself. Stop listening to the haters, even when they are are your last friend in the world, or your parent, or a stranger on the street. No one has a right to hurt you in an attempt to make themselves feel better.

snowy hill 3 cropped CW

12 replies »

  1. A good post. What we say and what we hear is often misdirected and unkind. What we hear is not always what someone actually said either. All our encounters with others, whether they be verbal or actions, are colored by what is inside us as well as what is inside the other person. For some people, love is their human condition. For others, cruelty is their human condition. What produces those traits is often a mystery. It takes a strong person to accurately hear and then evaluate. You are wise to know that evaluation is necessary and that you don’t have to accept what others have to say to you or about you. I grew up on the saying, “the truth hurts”. How terrible. Truth should not hurt. It should be constructive. Another thought you mentioned is that what people say to you often is a reflection of their own insecurities and poor judgments of themselves. They are revealing their own private perspective and pain which is not respectful of others perspectives. So, how are these observations supposed to enlighten us? We should always speak to others with respect. That is the lesson. We should be careful that we mind what we say to others as well as being careful what we accept from others. And always, “consider the source”.

    Well said sweet daughter.

    Mom

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “You owe it to yourself to parse out your truth from someone else’s fiction. Don’t add to your trauma by accepting another’s disapproval and blame when your actions were right for you.” Perfectly and eloquently stated, thank you! This is a beautiful post, and such wonderful advice.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is beautifully written and so true. I’ve seen some people defend a cruel statement by saying that ‘they were just being honest’. But just because something is the truth, doesn’t mean that it can’t be said with kindness. Thank you for the reminder to not allow others to dictate how I feel about myself 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Good point, Karel. In the past, I have made others right for saying or doing something hurtful by saying to myself, “Even though this is misdirected, I’m sure they are coming from a place of love.” BUT, I now realize we often come from a place of fear, doubt, and anger and I need to recognize the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautifully, eloquently with lovely photos, written. Many times, family members can be most hurtful when we believe their criticisms (even when they aren’t true). To thresh the truth from fiction can be hard to do, but it is always necessary for our own souls and heartlights to continue to shine. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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